Shorty # 11 Warren's New Sick & Twisted Pet Project, Hold the Dysentery

Don't Eat at Company Potlucks!
Warren has a new sick and twisted pet project.

Transcript

Announcer 0:03

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Warren 0:18

Welcome to JDHR, the podcast by two HR professionals who want to help you get through to workday by saying all the things you're thinking, but say them out loud. I'm Warren. This is Feathers. Alright, shorty episode again. I never found out what my uh alternative to shorty was, so it's still shorty for sure for shorty for now. So anyhow. Wow, we got a lot going on in the world around us right now. But uh last Friday, a friend I don't talk to that often. I live in a golf course community, and it's no, it's not bougie community. It's the one everybody goes to when they get kicked out of every other golf course in the the region. A friend of mine and a friend of his he works with were going to the Bar and Grill in the golf club to get together and drink. They said, Hey, why don't you swing on by? So I did. And I haven't talked to this guy in years, and then his co-worker, they were talking about they they brought up something hilarious. And one of the first maybe 10 episodes, I meant to look it up which one it is. Patrick and I talked about potlucks at work and how gross and disgusting and foul they can be. Well, they were talking about a potluck they had, and my friend says, Man, I I didn't have anything. And he says, I wouldn't have eaten any any of that food, especially not this other person's food. And there was like, yeah, yeah. Well, I I had some of his, I guess it was chill, I forget what he brought. He says, No way you should eat that shit, man. Haven't you seen he goes to the bathroom and never washes his hands? And uh I was like, oh, oh, that that is the exact reason. If if they don't do it at work, Lord knows what they're not doing at home. So yeah. Good luck, everybody, with your uh dysentery from eating that guy's stuff.

Feathers 2:07

Oh uh potlucks, yuck, yuck, yuck. But is potlucks, is that now a thing of the past? Has COVID like diminished that, or with the amount of people back in offices, like is it a thing again?

Warren 2:22

I have not had a potluck, a real potluck, in four years, even before COVID. At the current job, I've never d done a potluck. Uh but uh both the job before that and the job I worked with Patrick, we did potlucks kind of regularly, but we did it within our own little HR group mainly. So uh we felt a little bit safer with that. I haven't had a potluck in forever.

Feathers 2:50

So I I just Yeah, I I I can't think of one post-March 2020.

Warren 2:59

Yeah. And maybe maybe there's something that should have gone away with COVID. Maybe that's one of the good things. Potlucks that's a that's a victory. Yay, COVID, got rid of potlucks. Yeah, oh but yeah, I I just I had to laugh. I thought this is great for the shows since we we talked about it once upon a time, how nasty potlucks can be. And he said, No, uh that dude never washes his hands, not at work. Imagine what he's not doing at home, what he's not cleaning.

Feathers 3:30

Uh so anyhow. Yeah, Mike, what is that person's kitchen like? Yeah, exactly. And they made and they made me food. Yeah. Yeah. I'll tell that's like walking in a restaurant and you see their health rating, and you're like, ooh, I think I'll be leaving. If you've got a C uh health rating, then like no.

Warren 3:49

See you later. Uh actually see you never. Oh boy. I yeah. So I posted on social media earlier, was it earlier this week? Yeah, or was it last week? I have no clue anymore, that I have a new pet project. But I'm gonna completely set this up for you, feathers, and for the whole audience. So in the sales world and recruiting world for that matter, timing is everything. Timing is absolutely everything. You know, I why is recruiting, you don't know. I there's been multiple, multiple times I caught someone who wasn't really looking for a job, but I caught them like after their boss pissed them off or after, you know, they just had a rough day and they were over it. And, you know, recruiting works that way, sales works that way. So this salesperson called and got me at the perfect right time. I'd just finished up a project. I was feeling pretty damn good about myself. Things are things are going well. It had to be last week, now that I think about it. Things are going well, uh, because this week hasn't gone well, but uh things are going really well. And the receptionist says she has a call, and the name she says sounds like a name I know. So I took it. And it, you know, instead of like Brian Johnson, it was Brian Johnstone or something like that. You know, just a little bit off, and I wasn't paying attention, I guess. So get the salesperson, and I he starts well, first, he should congratulate me. I have a new job title. I am apparently now the director of call center operations for my company. So yeah. Nice. And a salesperson who we have a mutual friend he would not name, told me that I would be the best person to contact at the company as their uh director of call center operations. So I realized he was a salesperson. I said, oh, give him his 30-second spiel and then I hang up. But when he started going on, like getting really, you know, uh, oh, one of our mutual friends, but I don't think I should tell you who at this point said that you would be the right person to call as the director of call center operations. My company doesn't have a call center. So, anyways, I decided, okay, I've always wanted to do this. I want to fuck the hell out of this guy. I'm going to just screw with him as much as I can. So I, you know, he gave me his, oh, and uh, you know, I just want to take a quick bit of your time and schedule an appointment for you just so we can have a more detailed conversation. And as he's going through his spiel, I'm giving him all the affirming. Yeah, that's cool. I like that. I've I'm giving him all the little affirmations as he's talking. And uh his his sales spiel was so full of BSEO, I can uh increase the efficiency of your inbound call center by whatever percent and efficiency of your outbound by X percent and increase your revenue by this percent. And already three of our top four competitors have already switched to him in the last two years. So he's he's just slimy and sleazy as hell. So I'm just I'm gonna I'm gonna have some fun. I could smell the shit coming straight through the phone. So I said, yeah, yeah, let's let's schedule this. So I accepted his invitation. And you know what? I didn't realize until later today. I uh my initial plan was I was gonna cancel on him at the reschedule on him. I'm gonna drag this fucker out as long as I can. But I was gonna reschedule for him at last minute, but I realized, oh, I've got a dental appointment that day anyway, so I'll still cancel him at the last moment and reschedule. I might cancel him a couple times. I I'm gonna see how long I can drag this out. This is gonna be my new pet project, and I'm hoping for the next couple of weeks I can have some sort of update for our audience of what I'm doing to just completely screw this guy over. I I'm wondering how long he will let me go on and on with him before he just cuts bait because I think I'm gonna be, I think I'm gonna, he's gonna be my toy for a little while. But he caught me at the perfect time and not only perfect time, I'm like, yeah, I'm I'm awesome, all things going great. It's gonna be fun now that I'm call director of call center operations or whatever he said. So yeah, I hope I hope I get a lot of money for that job. But I'm thinking of we need to we need to find you a hobby. Oh, this is my hobby now. He's he is my hobby for the foreseeable future. So I'm I'm gonna have some fun and I'm gonna drag his ass out. I might, you know, I was thinking what I think I was like brainstorming a shit I can do. Oh yeah, I want to have you go through your sales spiel with my assistant, director of call center operations, and just have that person have myself call from my cell phone into the the call and be off camera. And I'm like daydreaming all these things. So if you have some fun ideas, what I can do to screw with this guy, shoot me a DM, a reply to our post that we put on Instagram what we can do to screw with this guy. I'm I'm all in, you know. So uh sick and twisted, my friend. Sick and twisted, but it'll put some good laughs. I I hope so. I'm I'm really hoping so. And I'm sure he's not listening to an HR podcast since he thinks I'm a uh director of a call center operations. Uh and are you the mutual friend feathers that have referred him to me as the person?

Feathers 9:05

I was I say, you know, Warren needs a new project.

Warren 9:09

Uh throwing out a project, so that's mine anyway for today. So that's all I had. We're gonna have a shorty episode today. We have another episode next week and then April. Oh gosh, the third, fourth, whatever that date is, is episode or beginning of season four for us. So we've done three whole years of the shit, but it won't be so much fun. A lot of a lot of cool stuff going on. Yeah, and you suckers keep listening. So thank you. Oh, yeah. You suckers. They're awesome. It's these solicitors that are suckers. Oh, there we go. Anyhow, and I'm I'm gonna let our friend the Eyelash King be sure to make sure he's listening to these episodes about my my toy. Maybe he could give me some good suggestions the way to screw with this dude. So, anyways. Perfect. Perfect. So, our best practice for today fuck with solicitors. And as always, I'm Warren. This is Feathers. And we're helping you survive HR one what the fuck moment at a time.